If you are not of the male persuasion you might not realize how critical the penis is to the male ego. Poor, oft times flaccid appendage. So many hopes imbued into a regular guy who just likes to hang out with his two friends. Men, whether we like it or not, our very essence resides in a dual purpose fluid drain valve. Its importance can be seen when it summons up super human strengths, with the help of his pal testosterone, when the situation calls for it. The balls get all the credit on that sort of stuff, but the old boy is definitely along for the ride. We go to wars when those tree caballeros get out of control. It provides us with pleasure, which is excellent incentive for letting it swing by once and awhile, even if he does tend to get us in trouble. It is also a badly designed drain valve that has made many doctors rich. Thanks to the celestial designer for that one. No do-over? Why must our old age be consumed with bad plumbing when we can least afford it?
Since the beginning of the ascent of man we have evolved into the only creature measures its worth by the size of it's garden hose. Thems thats gots it flaunt it, thems that don't enrich therapists. Now scientists reassure us that size doesn't matter, and that we should not envy those who's part is much greater than the sum of their total. Those in possession of Sir Richard the Long tend to end up in porn movies or tawdry relationships anyways, so let us not envy those who have to figure out where to comfortably store that luggage until it is needed. That last statement was "penial", the denial of your own envy of those who are your betters. Sarcasm helps.
One of the unfortunate aspects of being a guy in the small to medium sized category is that it wears on the psyche. We are surrounded by reminders of our masculinity deficiency. I mean, who doesn't walk by a hot dog stand that offers foot longs and secretly wish, "If only". Buck up buckoo, the flowers don't care about the size of their seed delivery systems now, do they? Think of yourself as a flower in the field, or if you're a Goth its OK to be a nasty weed. You are merely a victim of the advertising industry, and those guys have small dicks too. I don't know what they have against the rest of us. Remain calm and don't go overboard and become a dictator to compensate.
We can gain insight into the deep affection we have for our Lord of the Loins because like any pet we give it cute names. Willie, Weenie, and Woody are among the top names we christen our little pal. If it were a law firm it would be Williams, Weiner & Woodstein. Top dogs in their field. Pray that firm never comes after you. They're a bunch of dicks and they've all got hard-ons. That right there is a prime example of how our language is filled with penile euphemisms. Now matter how hard we try, we cannot escape the overarching influence of the penis. We are ruled by it, and in turn we are ruled by a lot of them. It never seems to end.
